mightymansopp (mightymansopp) wrote in gargleblasted,
mightymansopp
mightymansopp
gargleblasted

POST 3 | Video

R-right. This is Usopp, representative of, uh... [His eyes flit down to check a piece of paper that he's holding.] Conspiracies 'R Us, bringing you today's conspiracies about the black hole. [Those who choose to look nearer to the bottom of the screen can see that Usopp is currently scrutinizing a book labeled: Black Holes: What Are They, Where Do They Come From And Are They Really Beings Made Of Pure Malevolence?. The camera swings over to the window.] See? That thing. The big hole right there, which is... sucking in everything that gets in its path, apparently.

[The camera swings back to Usopp.] Okay, conspiracies, conspiracies... Conspiracy number one! The black hole is actually a home for a strange, new alien species with five legs and three heads, and each head has three forked tongues, and they have made it their personal mission to destroy all that come in their path with their superior technology! The black hole is actually of their making using, uh, their technology that has the ability to create black holes like the one they live in everywhere else so that anyone who runs into their path won't bother them. And when they do suck other people in, they eat them.

Conspiracy number two! The black hole is not actually a black hole. Instead it is the toothless mouth of a giant monster that blends in perfectly with the rest of the galaxy and lies in wait for unsuspecting ships like ours to come close enough to it so that it can inhale - [He demonstrates] - and suck them right in to digest in its stomach acids, capable of dissolving even the strongest metals!

Conspiracy number... eh. [He leans a bit closer to the camera, dropping the theatrical voice.] This is stupid. What's the point in thinking up conspiracies about something like this? I don't think I can think of anything scarier than a huge gaping hole in the fabric of the universe itself threatening to suck us into complete nothingness. I think. [He waves the book at the screen and says, flatly,] Conspiracy one, we are all probably going to die. Conspiracy two, we are all probably going to die. Conspiracy three, we are all probably going to die. There.
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  • [voice] 006

    Now, follow me, boy, and we'll go over the dining room. [Black hole or no black hole, someone has a Guide mis-fire to contend with. The feed…

  • [text] 005

    Greetings, fellow Thor residents. I notice we have had an influx of newcomers of late - I trust you are all adjusting to your new circumstances and…

  • [video] 004

    Now that we are adequately settled on the new planet and the missions have been posted, I feel it would be appropriate for me to comment on certain…