[The camera swings back to Usopp.] Okay, conspiracies, conspiracies... Conspiracy number one! The black hole is actually a home for a strange, new alien species with five legs and three heads, and each head has three forked tongues, and they have made it their personal mission to destroy all that come in their path with their superior technology! The black hole is actually of their making using, uh, their technology that has the ability to create black holes like the one they live in everywhere else so that anyone who runs into their path won't bother them. And when they do suck other people in, they eat them.
Conspiracy number two! The black hole is not actually a black hole. Instead it is the toothless mouth of a giant monster that blends in perfectly with the rest of the galaxy and lies in wait for unsuspecting ships like ours to come close enough to it so that it can inhale - [He demonstrates] - and suck them right in to digest in its stomach acids, capable of dissolving even the strongest metals!
Conspiracy number... eh. [He leans a bit closer to the camera, dropping the theatrical voice.] This is stupid. What's the point in thinking up conspiracies about something like this? I don't think I can think of anything scarier than a huge gaping hole in the fabric of the universe itself threatening to suck us into complete nothingness. I think. [He waves the book at the screen and says, flatly,] Conspiracy one, we are all probably going to die. Conspiracy two, we are all probably going to die. Conspiracy three, we are all probably going to die. There.